


Iron Man Meanderings

by Khanada



Series: Marvel Meanderings [1]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Commentary, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-29
Updated: 2017-09-29
Packaged: 2019-01-07 00:01:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12221634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Khanada/pseuds/Khanada
Summary: A long time ago (in a galaxy not so far away) I came across an internet site called the Fringedweller’s Guide, which sadly appears to have been swallowed up by a black hole. It offered an often very amusing running commentary on Stargate episodes (among other things) and appeared to be made up of the musings/thoughts triggered by events/dialogue in each episode.I thought I would offer something along those lines for the MCU. So, I give you, Marvel Meanderings.I suggest you watch the movie before reading this … and then while reading this.Iron Man: AKA the one that kicked this whole shebang off.





	Iron Man Meanderings

Scene: desert, wind whistling, cars rolling along to the dulcet tones of … AC/DC … because ... of course!

I’ve tried, many times, to imagine this scene with other music. Just for amusement. But, I don’t know whether it’s just because I’ve seen this movie far too many times for my own health, but I find it really difficult to imagine anything else being used, and now naturally associate AC/DC with Tony Stark … or maybe it actually was just the perfect marriage to begin with, but anyway. 

My favourites of the songs I have come up with that might work are Muse, “Knights of Cydonia” (maybe a bit too obvious), INXS, “Guns in the sky” (also maybe too obvious but how great would it be – and then also switch other AC/DC songs in the MCU for other INXS songs! Like, for example, Elegantly Wasted … or their cover version of Born to be Wild), and – for surreal value – Carl Orff’s “Oh Fortuna” (falls off chair in giggling heap! Well, it would make a memorable entrance!!!)

“What did I do?” Well, you’re Robert Downey Jnr, what DIDN’T you do?!

Run Forrest Run!!!;-) (Seriously!!! Run!!! Before you get shot!)

Nice bit of quick characterisation. Been with these guys for all of a couple of minutes but “Forrest” has already come across as really very sweet, and it’s too sad what happens to him!

Blown up by his own weapon – there’s serendipity for you! Anyone else think of this scene when they’re playing Sonic and Sega All Stars Racing and release one of those weapons ahead … and then run into it themselves accidentally!?

Ten Rings referenced and then … nothing! Hmmmm.

The great Jeff Bridges. Seriously, that guy could read from the phone book and make it enthralling … and menacing!

Does Stark actually not care about being called the “Merchant of Death” or does he just pretend? It’s always interesting seeing the before and after! Does he really actually not care about what he does for a living, or is he, at this point, wearing a mask and acting the role of “Howard Stark’s son”?

What is the point of buying pieces of art and not displaying them???

Seriously? This guy’s carbon footprint?!?! Car to take him to the airport – and another car for his baggage???

“I’ll get you a bottle, okay?” A bottle of what? Probably not of what Tony immediately thinks of! ‘Booze! Yeah! Great idea! Bring up the Sake!’

Someone can’t hold their drink … and he’s one of the guys with his finger on a trigger! Scary!

Full business suit! In a desert! Would not want to be the person washing that afterwards (poor Pepper!)

‘Hey Tony … just phoning to see if you’ve been kidnapped yet!’

FunVee?? More like Blown to Kingdom Come vee!

Oh – Yinsen! Iron Man 3’s completely ruined this bit for me. Seeing him before and during capture, too sad!!!!

Of course, he’s very smartly dressed for a hostage! That suit looks way too dapper for someone who’s been living in a cave for God knows how long!!

Wait, the battery has the term “die hard” on it?? Brilliant!!!

You’ve got to wonder about the hygiene of open surgery in those circumstances. Surely Stark should end up with a nasty infection?!

‘Smile!! You’re on TV!’ Oh wait, you’re used to being on TV

Stark gets tortured; Yinsen gets changed into a less dapper suit. Show of solidarity?

‘The Light!! It STINGS!!’

That’s a LOT of weapons!!!

Well – yes he will set you free. If you consider death to be freedom … which, in fairness, some people do!

Oh and back in the dapper suit and cap again – because it’s important not to let those sunrays that you find in dark underground caves hit your head. Having just been out in the desert sun, without any head gear on at all.

“Very important week for you”… Well yes! Kind of life-changing really!

You have to wonder about the intelligence of the Ten Rings! They have a super genius in their clutches, and they give him … weapons … because of course he’s not going to think of using them against his captors and building something to help him escape!

‘Loyal … not very smart … customers’

They’ve spent how long together and he didn’t know his name??? How was he getting his attention? ‘Oi! You!’

No shit! Sherlock! No, it’s not a Jericho missile!

Something big for 15 minutes … and change ... because it doesn’t exactly conk out immediately after the escape now does it?!?!

Now really! The point when security footage shows that he’s wearing what he’s building! And it’s a big, shiny, glowy thing! That really ought to have been the point that they should’ve gone – “yeah – he’s not building a Jericho missile”! Morons!

Man who has everything, and nothing. Yup! That about sums him up!

One of the lead bad guys speaks English? Why did they not have him talking to Stark to begin with??!?? Rather than the guy who needs to be translated? You’d think for clarity’s sake they would’ve led with the English speaker.

“It’ll be my turn”? Really? Umm no! It won’t!

“Why have you failed me?” hmmm – well, let me think about that! Seriously? 

And they just happen to have all the protective clothing they need to aid with wearing a massive metal suit ... well that’s convenient!

Oh, what a surprise! The “Merchant of Death’s” built a bomb … using the explosives his captors gave him … didn’t see THAT one coming!

Ummm, surely ctrl-i would just turn text on the screen into italic font? But, Whatever!

Bomb’s gone off. Lights have gone out. An expert weapons manufacturer that invents and builds the latest “must have” weapons has been given access to a heck of a lot hardware for the last few months … ! Yes! Run towards him! Because THAT’s sensible … ! 

So – lacking in brains, and a sense of self-preservation apparently! Someone give this lot a Darwin Award!

I almost feel sorry for the guy left banging on the door … almost. Just think – if he had just said ‘seriously? I hate working with these guys! They're so weird … !’

And an arm gets stuck. Not a cliché at all!

To quote Cameron Mitchell in a Stargate ep “Bullets Bounce!"!!! Too late:-)

Dead family double-meaning cliché alert! But still sad.

Has RDJ won an Oscar yet?!?!? If not, why not?!??! A million words spoken in one sad look.

And again with the lack of self preservation! Anyone else just waiting for one of them to yell – Monty Python-style – “Run Away!!!!”

Flame thrower! Why was this not included in later iterations of the suit? Could’ve come in handy!!! Barbequed space monster in New York – would’ve fed the (increased number of) homeless for WEEKS!

And like the ridiculous fridge scene in Indiana Jones 4 ... seriously?! That fall should’ve killed him!!!

How do the military find him??? Interesting version in a fan fic I read once is that he’s got a tracker in him (though why they couldn’t use that before … ??). Otherwise, Seriously!!?! How did they know to come looking for him in that location, at that time??!? Coincidence?

Ahhh – brotherly hug!

Not sure about the safety of a wheelchair sitting in the middle of an empty cargo hold AT THE TOP OF A RAMP!!!!

Wonder how much Burger King paid for that product placement!

“Flynn lives” and he wants to steal Tony’s burger … and his company!

PHIIILLLLLLL!!!!!! 

Why does he not just introduce the agency as SHIELD??? Also, what’s on that card? Because would all of that fit on a card that small?

Love the look Stane gives Stark when he says about seeing people blown up! On repeat viewings it just makes you wonder - is he wondering how much Stark knows at that point?

Although he can’t help smiling when Stark throws all his toys out of the pram!

I want one of those scooter things!

What I don’t get – Stark shows Stane a SERIOUS leap forward in technology, and his reaction is ‘lay low’??? Surely he should be encouraging him to get in front of cameras and promote the hell out of it as a new clean energy source – to offset the shareholder panic about a weapons manufacturer not making weapons? Oh wait ... bad guy … of course!

Pepper!!? Seriously? This is NOT the moment to STOP WHAT YOU ARE DOING to start saying “it’s going to be okay”! Yes, it’ll be okay – WHEN YOU STOP YAMMERING AND PUT THE NEW DEVICE IN! You know – the one you’re just standing there HOLDING IN YOUR HANDS AND NOT PUTTING IN WHERE IT’S NEEDED … WHILE HIS HEART STOPS?!?!?!

Why not a pilot without a plane???? What? Like Falcon??!? Which begs the question. Did Stark invent the Falcon suit?

“Humanitarian or something?” – well yes … ‘something’!

And again with the million words in one look! ‘My friend’s not taking me seriously – who do I talk to about this?’

Hee, love the drama of holding the mask up with the sand coming out of it. Although, I remember that shot being very effective in the trailer!

10% thrust capacity! How did he not break his nose?

“I didn’t expect that” – clearly!

Jeff Bridges playing the piano! They could make a movie out of that … oh wait … they did.

NOW he asks about the arc reactor?

Poor Dummy – just wanting to help and gets threatened!

1% thrust! Why didn’t he do that to begin with?

Poor Dummy – checks his creator (/dad) is okay and gets yelled at for his trouble!

Poor kid! You just know that he went running up to his parents afterwards wanting another ice cream and when asked what had happened to the first one was not believed. ‘I saw a flying man’! ‘No, you didn’t – and you’re not having another ice cream. Punishment for lying!’

Was Stark thinking he could just use the ice to make an ice cream (maybe for that kid) when Jarvis mentioned about the potentially fatal build up??? 

Good old Dummy – pressure cleaning the suit for his boss!

Maybe not the wisest move leaving the BLUE PRINTS with the BAD GUYS!!!! Would it really have hurt to have stuffed them in a pocket before flying out? (Would’ve given him more padding to survive that ridiculous fall!)

“You’re usually so discreet” Poor Tony! Gets snark even from his own creation.

Stan Lee cameo!!!!

PHIIILLLLLLLL!!!!!!! 

How much of a buzz does Coulson get out of saying Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division?

Random thought – Howard Stark was one of the founding members of SHIELD, but uber-smart child-genius prodigy Tony knew NOTHING about it?????

“Need some air” … Because there’s none in there!

“Fancy seeing you here” … ‘At the fundraising event; that's named after you’! Yes, strange that!!! Yes, it’s appalling behaviour to show up at a fundraising event that’s named after him!! Absolutely terrible!!! How dare he!!! Such a nerve!!!!

Oh, they got their Jericho missiles then!

And again with the lack of self preservation – except for the boss guy! He’s got the right idea! Run and hide!

Hee:-) Iron Man theme

Ummm – no, he didn’t take the plane out – the plane hit him, not the other way round!

So, Stane’s men managed to take down an ENTIRE CAMP, without ANY sound???? AT ALL????? Why does he need the Iron Man suit????

And again with the million words in one look!!!

I have an issue with this whole getting the files from the computer thing. Is it Stark’s computer? (The screen saver is of the car he’s rebuilding.) If it isn’t, why is Stane using a pic of one of Stark’s cars as his screensaver? If it is, why was it left on and why does Stane go into Stark’s office and use his computer? Also, seriously???? Whoever’s device it is – in a company that invents the latest must haves – the big boss doesn’t think to password protect/lock his computer (when he’ll have access to all the designs etc on it)??? Not exactly secure!!!!

Love it – “Ghost Drive Found”… it’s not really a “Ghost Drive” then is it?

Oh Stane! Talk about a cat playing with a mouse!!!

“I’m not Tony Stark” … ‘No Shit! Sherlock!’

Well No! It's not a golden egg ... because that would be a little ostentatious, don’t you think? (it has hot rod red in it too!)

“Your father helped give us the atomic bomb” (and Captain America!!!)

Is that the first time one of Stark’s inventions has been called ‘Conservative’?!:-)

Surely he should’ve used that trolley to wheel himself across the floor to his desk? Would’ve been faster!!!

Yay!!! Dummy’s devotion gets some recognition!!!

So. If you put that suit on ... and you DON’T have a hole in your chest … then the back part of that arc reactor is going to be rubbing against your chest! Probably not the most comfortable thing! He didn’t think that through!!! (Never mind the fact that it’s really not clear exactly how the reactor connects to the suit when it was originally connected to ... well ... Tony – not the suit – but anyway…)

Love how Coulson just crosses his arms across his chest when the explosive goes off; as if that’ll protect him, when the bomb’s behind him.

“Next time baby” – ‘You’re going to have to change your face first, sweetheart!’

“I thought it’d be bigger” … ‘Well, if you wish! Is that big enough for you?’

So! That ‘running something big for 15 minutes’ has turned into running something big for several minutes … and then flying for a few more minutes … and running a person’s heart for another, what, few days??? Then it’s sat on standby for however long … and it’s only at 48%!? Surely, it should be at much, much less than that??!!!! If he put that power source in a mobile phone, he would make an absolute killing!!!

That’s right lady – hoot at and provoke the great big scary robot thing when you’ve got 4 kids in the car with you!!! Very smart!!!

Fairly certain that collateral damage does not include purposefully picking up a car full of people and using it as a weapon when there’s plenty of other bits and pieces of edifice and empty cars that could be used instead.

Pun alert! "Holding you up" (while holding him up)! Oh dear!

Also fairly certain that it was Howard Stark that built the company from nothing. Otherwise, wouldn’t it be Stane Industries??

Also-also fairly certain that that fall would’ve killed Stane!!!

“And Now, I’m going to kill you with it”... Or not.

PHIIILLLLLLL!!!!!!!

How much time would’ve been saved if he’d just used the name SHIELD to begin with?!!

No, she CLEARLY never thinks about that night at all!!!

“I am Iron Man” – hee – how to throw a press conference into absolute chaos!

It’s Mr Glass – DON’T TRUST HIM!!!!

“I’m here to talk to you about the Avenger Initiative” – hee – how to throw an entire fandom into absolute chaos!


End file.
